


I Can't Sleep

by bunni_art_929



Series: Sleepless [2]
Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime 1990)
Genre: Demisexual Snufkin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insomnia, M/M, Overthinking, Pining, Snufkin has some Gay Thoughts, Springdove, Unrequited Love, and a whole lot of Gay Feelings, but he's in denial, snufmin, so much pining, well ok not That much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunni_art_929/pseuds/bunni_art_929
Summary: In the middle of a sleepless night, Snufkin realizes something that shakes him to his core: he’s in love with his best friend, Moomin. Also, it turns out that thinking too much has a lot more consequences than Snufkin expected. How will he be able to face Moomin the next day?
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll & Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Series: Sleepless [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897690
Comments: 16
Kudos: 66





	I Can't Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> snufkin is harder to write for me than moomin is,, i try my best, bear with me please (;-; )

What time was it now?

It usually wasn’t difficult for Snufkin to figure that out, even at night; he had the moon and the stars to help him. But tonight, Moominvalley was blanketed in thick clouds that blocked out the sky and changed the landscape Snufkin was wandering about from familiar and cheerful to dull and empty.

Once again Snufkin wished he had bought that copper pocket watch he had seen on his last trip south. He had thought it to be little more than extra weight back then, but it would certainly be nice to have now. Snufkin ached to know how much longer until dawn would free him from this seemingly endless night.

The young vagabond stopped in a field of long grass to examine the gray sky again, but there were no more breaks in the clouds. Snufkin let his head drop with a sigh, and knuckled his weary eyes. There  _ was  _ one way to try to measure the length of the night, but that would mean reliving it all. At this point, Snufkin was desperate to find something to get his mind off of things, and perhaps a moment of reflection would be somewhat helpful. And so, as he continued his wander through the darkness, Snufkin thought back to what lead him to this point.

In the late evening, when Snufkin was getting settled down for bed, he wanted to have a quick think before going to sleep. So he thought about the day’s adventures, and what kind of places he’d like to explore on future trips. He’d love to invite Moomin along, as their adventures together were always his favorite. 

He then let his thoughts linger there on Moomin. On all the fun they had together over the years, and on how much Snufkin treasured Moomin’s company. And he lingered on just how pleasantly soft and round Moomin was, on how his cheerful laugh always made Snufkin’s heart flutter. What a lovely thing it was to have Moomin as a friend!

All these thoughts made Snufkin giddy and flustered, achy and lonesome. Was this a normal way to feel about one’s friend? What could all of this mean? Snufkin was beginning to get scared by these thoughts, and so he decided to just stop thinking about them and go to sleep. 

And it worked, for a little bit. 

That was until Snufkin let his mind wander once again during that near-dreamlike state before sleep.

Snufkin pictured himself and Moomin on the beach, watching as the sun sank into the ocean. Moomin’s soft features were dusted with a pink blush, though it may have been a trick of the rosy evening light. Snufkin found himself leaning in. If he could just get a little closer, he’d be able to plant a kiss on Moomin’s dear little snout...

Snufkin snapped upright in bed, his heart threatening to pound right out of his chest.

What. What was  _ that _ ? Did he want to...with Moomin? Since when did he ever imagine these kinds of things? He had never thought about kissing  _ anybody _ before, let alone kissing…

Snufkin cradled his face in his paws, completely flustered. He tried his best to slow his breathing, to calm himself down. That was just a dream, right? Or close enough to one? Well, dreams were all nonsense anyway, so it didn’t mean anything!

But he couldn’t drown out these feelings with logic. Even now when he was awake, the idea still stuck in his mind. And…

And he wasn’t opposed to it.

Every time he pictured himself and Moomin sharing a kiss, his heart skipped, his breath hitched, and warm molasses seemed to flow from his heart to the rest of his body. What a lovely sensation it was! Snufkin almost wanted to let himself linger there and bathe in these new feelings.

But then he remembered that this was  _ Moomin _ he was thinking of. He was his best friend, and he simply could  _ not _ have a crush on him!

And so to get his mind off of it, he had decidedly left his tent to go for a walk.

That’s where he was now. Literally trying to run away from his feelings.

The change of scenery wasn’t working as well as Snufkin had hoped, for everything he saw only brought up more thoughts of Moomin. Picking the nocturnal wildflowers had made him want to make a bouquet to Moomin, just to see him smile. Watching the stars through the occasional break in the clouds had made him wish he could stargaze at Moomin’s side and tell him of all the constellations and their stories. Booble! Even when he decided to just stare at the ground and think of nothing at all, he would sometimes find an interesting rock and wish that he could show it to Moomin.

Moomin,  _ Moomin,  _ **_Moomin!_ **

No matter what he tried to distract himself with, Snufkin simply could not stop thinking about him. 

Finally, the sky began to lighten, and the world turned blue as dawn approached. A few birds even began to speak up. It was then that Snufkin found himself in front of Moominhouse. He gazed longingly up at Moomin’s window. As much as Snufkin wanted his company, it’d be rude to wake him. Maybe if Moomin wasn’t asleep it would be fine, but why would he be awake this early? Anyway, Snufkin didn’t think he dared to face Moomin right now, given that he was the reason Snufkin was currently an emotional wreck…

Snufkin crept back to his campsite and slumped down by the empty firepit. He sat there for a while, staring blankly at the coals.

He knew he was in denial, there was no doubting that. But Snufkin was just so frightened of these new feelings that he didn’t want to admit that they were there. 

The blue dawn was now giving way to morning, and Snufkin felt his fear turn to anger. His mind had kept him up all night, and he was tired of it! He felt like if he didn’t admit the truth, he would never find peace of mind again.

“Fine!” Snufkin exclaimed, and stumbled onto his feet. “If this is the only way, then I’ll just get it over with.”

He took a shaky breath.

“I...I like Moomin,” he confessed, to the sleeping world and himself. “And I like him a lot.”

Only the birds answered. 

“I’m in love with my best friend,” he croaked, voice thick with emotion. “And it seems there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

Tears streamed down Snufkin’s face as he stared at the stars above. He let them fall. What a bitter truth this was! This could ruin his friendship with Moomin if he ever found out. And then he would be left with nothing but a broken heart. 

Snufkin sat down again and let his head drop between his paws, his breath ragged as he cried. If love was supposed to make one happy, then why did he feel so distressed?

There was one nice thing about having a good cry. After he had wiped away the last of his tears, Snufkin felt much better. He had already begun to come to terms with his feelings for Moomin and didn’t feel nearly as distressed by it now.

In fact, Snufkin was starting to have trouble keeping his puffy eyes open. Crying seemed to have worn him out so thoroughly that he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep. If only he had known that would work earlier!

So Snufkin stumbled into his tent, hardly registering that the sun was rising, and was asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

\---------

Sometime in the late afternoon, Snufkin was awoken by the suffocating heat inside his canvas tent. He was tempted to run to the nearest shady tree to continue his nap under until nightfall, but Snufkin wasn’t too keen on becoming a nocturnal creature like his father.

It took all of his willpower to drag himself outside; his body felt heavier than a bag of rocks. The clouds from last night were gone now and the world seemed to shine even brighter because of it. The sun still beat down harshly despite its low angle in the sky, and Snufkin promptly put on his hat to shield himself from it. With the little energy he had, Snufkin figured he ought to at least try to fish up something to eat. 

On his way over to the riverside, somebody called out Snufkin’s name. The all-too-familiar voice made ice shoot through Snufkin’s veins. While he would normally be glad to see Moomin, his realization that he was in love with Moomin had naturally made Snufkin  _ incredibly nervous _ to be around him. 

But there was no chance of hiding from him now. Moomin was barreling towards him so fast that Snufkin began to worry that he would crash right into him. And then Moomin came to a stop only a foot or two away.

“Oh dear,” Moomin said, eying Snufkin over. “You look absolutely awful!”

He was right, of course, and his brutal honesty made Snufkin smile. Moomin never had much trouble saying what was on his mind. Snufkin set his fishing rod down at his feet. “You look a little rough yourself, Moomin,” he teased, though it wasn’t without truth. Moomin had some rather dark circles under his eyes. “There’s no need to worry, by the way,” Snufkin continued, “I’m just a bit groggy.”

“You were in bed for most of the day, are you under the weather?” Moomin’s fretting over Snufkin only made him more endearing. “Or maybe you’re feeling blue? Sometimes I stay in bed late when I’m feeling blue—”

“I’m fine, Moomin. Really,” Without much thought, Snufkin scooped up Moomin’s paws into his own. 

“I couldn’t fall asleep last night,” he explained, “so when I finally dozed off around dawn, I ended up sleeping the rest of the day away.”

Moomin blinked. “Oh, okay.” 

And in the quiet that followed, Snufkin finally realized that he was holding Moomin’s paws. His heart leaped to his throat. 

Snufkin had held paws with Moomin plenty of times before, of course. This time, however, he was very aware of how Moomin’s paws were wonderfully velveted with the softest of fur and were so nice and warm...Snufkin wondered if Moomin’s snout had the same kind of texture, and he wished that he could just reach out and…

Nope. Snufkin promptly released his grasp, turned heel, and walked away with his fishing rod. If he had stayed a moment longer he  _ knew  _ he would have done something foolish. 

Snufkin walked so briskly towards the river that a slight misstep nearly sent him tumbling down into the shallow water. He tried to set up his fishing rod, but his hands were so clammy and shaky that he could hardly work with them. 

Moomin, unfazed by Snufkin’s sudden retreat, quickly caught up to him. As he plopped down on the grassy bank, his hip brushed against Snufkin’s own, causing nearly every muscle in Snufkin’s body to tense up. Forcing himself to breathe, Snufkin continued working and avoided looking Moomin’s way until he was done. 

A small snore finally caused Snufkin to break his focus and look over. Moomin was dozing off, and his eyelids fluttered a bit every time he dropped his chin to rest on his pillow-like belly. The sight of it made Snufkin smile; how pleasant Moomin looked while asleep! 

“Are you feeling tired as well, Moomin?” Snufkin prompted eventually, causing Moomin to wake with a start. It took him a moment to remember how to talk coherently. 

“Ah, well, yes. I couldn’t sleep at all last night, and eventually gave up early in the morning,” explained Moomin. ”You know, Mamma told me that there may have been somebody out there who was thinking of me all night long and well…

“Wait!” Moomin interrupted himself. “Snufkin, you couldn’t fall asleep last night either! Do you think there was somebody out there thinking about you last night, too?”

Well, that probably wasn’t the case, but it made Snufkin realize something: from what Moomin was saying, Snufkin’s overthinking might have kept Moomin up all night as well! This seemed like more than a coincidence since the timing lined up too perfectly. Besides, Moominmamma was rarely wrong about these kinds of things.

What an awful thing to have done! If Snufkin had realized that the consequences of his sleepless night extended to Moomin as well, he would have tried even harder to silence his thoughts. But there was no undoing it now, and Moomin deserved to know who had caused him all this grief. 

So Snufkin swallowed his pride. 

“No...I don’t think so.” Looking at Moomin made his stomach churn with guilt, so he turned away. “I suppose...that I was the one doing all the thinking.”

Saying it aloud made Snufkin’s whole face flush with shame.

“Oh?” Moomin went quiet for a moment, and then

“ _...oh _ ,” he repeated timidly. “You stayed up all night thinking of... _ me _ ? ”

“You aren’t angry with me...are you?” Snufkin faltered. 

“Of course not!” Moomin cried. “Maybe I was a bit irritable about it earlier, but now that I know it was you…” his voice took on a warmer tone as he smiled slightly. “I don’t think I mind nearly as much.”

Did he really mean that? Snufkin managed to look Moomin’s way and relaxed upon seeing that Moomin was sincere. 

“Well, in any case, I am very sorry for accidentally keeping you awake all night. It’s just that I…”

“Yes?”

Moomin deserved to know the truth. And so the whole truth slipped out before Snufkin could stop himself. 

“I couldn’t seem to get you out of my head.”

The world seemed to melt away as the two sat there in silence for a moment. Then Moomin turned a sudden bright red, all the way from his snout to his ears. He just stared at Snufkin, his blue eyes wide in surprise.

This reaction made Snufkin realize that this wasn’t something a friend was supposed to say. It was something out of a romance novel that the hero would whisper to their one true love,  _ not  _ something that a friend would casually mention on a Tuesday afternoon. Whether or not Moomin was Snufkin’s “one true love” was not the point.

To say he was embarrassed was a vast understatement. Snufkin’s face was burning so hard that tears pricked at his eyes. He buried himself deep in his hat and scarf and decided he would just stay in there forever, listening to his heart beat wildly until the end of time.

Snufkin had _only_ _just_ realized his feelings for Moomin, yet he had pretty much gone and confessed them already. Surely everything would be spoiled between them now! Oh, why couldn’t he ignore these emotions so things could stay the way they were? And why was he struggling to mask his emotions now? He was usually so good at it, acting calm and stoic all the time no matter how he felt. Perhaps since this new feeling was so unfamiliar that Snufkin didn’t know how to hide it yet. He would have to figure that out, and soon.

At some point, Snufkin remembered how to breathe—it was around the time when his stomach reminded him of how empty it was. He forced himself to come out of hiding and cast his line, but he still wouldn’t look Moomin’s way.

It was rather unlikely for fish to be out at this time of day. As a seasoned fisherman, Snufkin should have known that; in his defense, he didn’t feel like he had a shred of competence in him today. He had plenty of excuses though, one being that he had completely wrecked his sleep schedule last night, and the other—

“What were you thinking about me?” burst Moomin, and Snufkin, whose mind had wandered elsewhere, was so startled that he dropped his fishing rod. 

“What—what do you mean?” he managed, dreading where this might lead. 

“Like…“ Moomin began, “like when you thought of me last night, what kind of stuff did you think about? Going places with me? Or being around me? Or about how I look or something?”

Moomin forced himself to stop blathering by covering his mouth, and Snufkin couldn’t help but smile at how high Moomin’s voice had risen. 

Snufkin knew he had to think this one through, seeing as his every word seemed to betray his feelings. C _ learly  _ Snufkin couldn’t tell Moomin that he realized he had  _ fallen in love _ with him. Not yet, at least (or maybe, never. Never telling him also seemed great). Maybe he could say something about how fond he was of him, but that could also reveal too much. Well, other than lying, there was only one thing left for Snufkin to say:

“Just about all of our upcoming adventures is all.” 

The perfect response: a partial truth that didn’t reveal anything that would be unusual to think about a friend!

But upon receiving this answer, Moomin deflated quite a bit. “And...nothing more?” he asked quietly, his tone bitter with disappointment.

_ What? _ Snufkin turned around suddenly to face Moomin, desperate to find out if he had understood him correctly. “Were you hoping for something else?” 

He felt something peculiar, something he hadn’t felt since realizing his feelings for Moomin:

Hope. 

Hope that Moomin wouldn’t find it strange that Snufkin liked him, hope for the chance that Moomin felt the same way about him…?

But instead, Moomin became flustered. “M-maybe? I dunno! And what if—what if I was, anyway? You wouldn’t dislike me for it, would you…?” Moomin shrunk, and Snufkin was flooded with emotion. It seemed as though Moomin was worrying the same thing as him.

“Oh, no! Of course not, my dear Moomin,” Snufkin edged closer to Moomin, giving him his most reassuring smile. “You know that I could never dislike you. You really can tell me anything.”

Now it was Moomin’s turn to think, and the quiet made Snufkin grow nervous once again. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Moomin off by being too overeager. Besides, he shouldn’t jump to conclusions about what Moomin felt, even if his words implied there was something more…

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” Moomin eventually looked up at him, his confused expression making Snufkin’s heart ache. “I’m not sure why I said that. I need some time to think this over…I’m sorry, Snufkin.”

“Hmm.” So that’s how it was. _ At least it wasn’t a complete rejection _ , Snufkin told himself in an attempt to quell his disappointment.  _ There still might be a chance _ . Anyway, Moomin seemed to be in need of a little advice, as he was still looking distraught. “There’s no need to apologize,” Snufkin assured him. “To tell the truth, I think a lot of folks need to learn to just say ‘I don’t know’ and be okay with that. There’s plenty of stuff that I don’t know, but I’m fairly content not knowing it. But it may be worth it to pursue a better understanding of your feelings if that’s what you’d like to do. A little soul-searching can often do you some good.”

Snufkin had to admit, that last part was a bit selfish. He tried to pretend that what he said was for Moomin’s benefit and not his own, but Snufkin longed to know whether or not Moomin liked him back. However, Moomin would have to figure that out for himself first, and Snufkin would have to be patient until he got the answer.

Snufkin’s words seemed to have calmed Moomin. His peaceful expression only lasted a moment as a glint of mischief quickly appeared in his eye. “Well I’m certain about one thing,” declared Moomin, and the smile in his voice made Snufkin’s heart swell. “I’d love to have a good night’s rest tonight. So, while I appreciate you taking all this time to plan our adventures, would you mind doing it when the sun is up from now on?”

And finally, thanks to Moomin, Snufkin was able to laugh despite all his troubles. “I’ll do my best, Moomin.”

\---------

After that, the rest of the evening continued on like any other. Snufkin never did manage to catch any fish, so Moomin invited him over to supper at Moominhouse. Snufkin readily agreed; Mamma’s hearty cooking was already lovely but sounded all the more appetizing to Snufkin, who hadn’t eaten in ages.

But it seemed supper would have to wait because the next moment Moomin was dozing off again. This time Snufkin didn’t try to wake him. He figured he had kept Moomin up for long enough, and the poor troll needed some sleep. Snufkin decided he ought to think about something other than Moomin...just in case. 

Snufkin watched fondly as Moomin curled up in the long grass. Would every little action Moomin took now make him feel that way? Snufkin decided that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

“Go ahead and rest, my dove,” Snufkin murmured affectionately. “I promise to keep you off my mind so that you don’t wake.”

Moomin smiled sleepily at that. Snufkin breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t question the pet name. All though it suited Moomin so well, Snufkin knew he wouldn’t be able to use it around him. He had to keep his distance for now.

At least that gave Snufkin some time to better understand himself and the way he felt. One thing was for certain: now that Snufkin had realized his feelings for Moomin, things were never going to be the same between them. 

And Snufkin was going to learn how to be okay with that. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ha ok i gave you more fluff than the last fic because i can’t help myself


End file.
